Good Grief!

"Accepting loss is a slow and gradual process with steps backward as well as forward." 

― Granger E. Westberg, Good Grief

It's funny for me how the use of the word can change (funny peculiar not funny ha ha). Take for example the use of the word grief. For many of us that word can elicit not only a feeling but often brings with it the mental image of a lost loved one. And while certainly this is grief's most shared meaning among our current culture, is there more to its meaning? 

In considering grief, we must also ponder its companion word: loss. What does that word conjure? Along with images of lost loved ones, could loss also recall relationships ended but not by death, or perhaps the loss of a career, health, status, or the acceptance of a community? Isn’t loss a common occurrence amongst this tribe we call humanity? 

If loss is then one of those defining connections of our shared human experience, why is grieving such a narrowly defined term? Why can we not be seen to grieve more than just the loss of life, as significant and important as that is? 

In the DSM V, Prolonged grief disorder, also known as complicated grief, traumatic grief, and persistent complex bereavement disorder can be defined as a set of symptoms following the death of a family member or close friend.  People that experience this are preoccupied by grief and feelings of loss. This can manifest in many ways including depression, emotional pain, emotional numbness, loneliness, identity disturbance and difficulty in managing interpersonal relationships. 

And while this is defined once again by death, how many of us feel such symptoms when a long-held dream dies, or over the growing distance in a cherished relationship? Is this not grief also? Is there not a loss that has occurred?  

The simple answer is that yes, this too, is loss, and it too needs to be grieved. Grief comes in many guises; all of them signify a loss. Many cultures today and throughout history have embraced loss and the grieving process. They have seen it as a necessary part of life’s journey and not a thing to be avoided or hidden.  

So, if grief and loss has found you in this season, I hope you find comfort in grief, a circle who mourns with you, and the beauty that rises from ashes. 

By John Peck LMFT